A blog for single women who feel some kind of way about being single

 

 


I understand… you’re so over with being single. Or perhaps you simply feel singled-out in a world where it seems everyone has a partner except you. However, have you considered that God is singling you out to establish you in your purpose during this time in your life? I write to explore the experiences and emotions that are similarly shared by single women all across the world. Why? Because, I believe they are firmly connected to your purpose. So, join me in reading our blog and stay blessed!

 

Stay Blessed

Most authors have a complimentary phrase they use to autograph a book.  As for me, I sign every book with the expression “Stay Blessed”.  While this expression is not proprietary, I’d like to think of it as my original statement that holds a wealth of truth for success. In the Christian community we hear “Be Blessed” all the time. And whenever I hear this, I say to myself, “but I am blessed”.  Throughout the scriptures God reminds his people of just how we are blessed. He has promised to bless us with life more abundantly through Jesus Christ.  So, rather than focusing on being blessed (what God has for you), let’s focus on staying blessed (what we can do for God.) Staying blessed requires action on our part and allows us to take hold of the blessings that God has already given us.  So, how do we stay blessed? (I’m glad you asked.) Follow in God’s perfect laws. When you follow God’s law you have direct access to experiencing God’s grace, peace and mercy as you go about your day. “But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does” (James 1:25). Do good. When you are a good person you will experience blessings through fellowships, friendships and family. You will have the opportunity of sharing your blessings of wisdom, knowledge and joy with others. The bible states, “For to a person who is good in [God’s] sight He has given wisdom and... read more

Is God Saying “No”?

This week, one of my Singled-Out ladies, wrote in with a question. “Ivy Julease, Do you believe Christians are stifled in their ability to go out and achieve”.  The reader went on to say that she notices that people of other faiths are high achievers and that most of the Christians she knows are hesitant or afraid to go after the noble things they dare to dream. While I can’t speak for other faiths, this is an interesting observation. This is an issue I attempt to tackle as I minister to single women about purpose. Many Christians are plagued by a religious affliction that I have come to name the Blame It On God Disease (BIOGD).  Christian women especially are more crippled by BIOGD because it is often accompanied by low-self esteem and depression.  I’ve witnessed single Christian women who are afraid to go on a date after a bad breakup. I’ve encountered so many women who want a career change, but haven’t started a job search. I’ve met gifted women who feel their talent will get overlooked because someone else is good at what they do. They rarely say “I’m afraid”, “I’m lazy” or “I’m insecure”. Instead, they say “God doesn’t want it for me right now”  (or some variation of this). BIOGD Symptom 1: If you want to use your talent or live out a dream, but you say “I won’t make a move until God tells me to” or “I haven’t heard God tell me yes about it.” Ladies, God wants me to share this with you: God permits you to do anything on earth that... read more

The Antidote for Anger

Today, I am angry, which is the very reason I am writing this blog.  This blog is my ministry, given to me by God to bless you. And even if I don’t feel like it, writing this for you is the only way I am called to deal with this deep, yet temporary anger. How do I know this? Jesus Christ demonstrates on more than two occasions that the only way we can respond to anger is by working according to God’s calling — not by addressing it head on with a bunch of emotions and talk. When we are angered by people For two days I’ve been dealing with anger caused by a group of people who claim to love me, yet they have excluded me from decision making that directly impacts my life. In order to cope, I’m meditating on Mark 3: 1-6. Mark tells the story when Jesus was on his way to the synagogue and found compassion for a man with a deformed hand.  The Pharisees were  plotting to work against any action Jesus would take, while criticizing him for wanting to heal on the sabbath.  And this made Jesus very angry and hurt. Initially, he tried to reason with them to no avail. “He looked around at them angrily and was deeply saddened by their hard hearts. Then he said to the man, “Hold out your hand.” So the man held out his hand, and it was restored.” Mark 3: 5 Instead of Jesus blowing up on the Pharisees, he let them disregard him while he chose to carry on with the work God had called... read more

Chastity…Ummm?

Chastity…it’s simply a word people cringe at when they hear it. Why? Because it’s the most uncool word in the English language. Over the years the word “chastity” has gotten a bad wrap. It’s a word that was birthed out of the 13th century to establish a moral standard of purity in the Catholic church. But instead it ostracized many who had already done-the-do.  If you fast forward eight centuries and hashtag chastity (#chastity), you’ll quickly learn that chastity has evolved into a form of torture for female dominatrix practices.  These are two totally opposite ends of a wide spectrum.  And I’m simply here to set the record straight by redefining chastity for this generation. What is Chastity? Chastity is an exclusively intimate relationship you have with God as you seek healing and your life’s purpose. It is void of cultivating or depending on intimate romantic relationships. And guess what else…it has nothing to do with waiting to get married to have sex. Chastity is not Celibacy When I talk about chastity, people often mistake it for celibacy. Celibacy is the state of abstaining from marriage and sexual relations.  The difference between the two is that chastity has less to do with marriage and more to do with getting into a deeper relationship with God. Celibacy establishes sex as a prize to be given to a man, while chastity is a journey through a personal space you create with God (and abstaining from sex is simply a prerequisite for entering into your space of chastity). Why Chastity? Chastity is a space that can be cultivated by anyone. More specifically, it’s... read more

Need to Know?

Have you ever felt like you needed to know or receive something from the man you desire? Perhaps you secretly like a guy and you really want him to acknowledge your attraction and chemistry. Maybe you’ve been dating someone for some time and you want to know his thoughts on marrying you. Or perhaps you need your husband to make a decision, but if you ask him you fear he will get frustrated and respond out of spite. If you can identify with any of these situations, you may be battling between keeping the peace in your relationship and needing to speak your mind.  You may feel like you are sacrificing your “need to know” just to keep your relationship in tact.  But if the truth were told, it’s the fury of being silent that makes you feel that you are positioning yourself to be inferior to a man. Being in this submissive position can make you feel like we are giving a man the power to be evasive or enabling him to be passive or unconcerned about your feelings. Last Saturday night, I was so bothered by my “need to know” that I was trying figure out every way to approach my fiancé. I was in distress from thinking of the possible outcomes: How would he respond? Would he react with rejection? Would he understand me? Just when I thought I was losing all control of my emotions, God showed up and spoke to my spirit with these words: “I am your God. Everything you need, I always provide.  I understand that your “need to know” comes from a good place... read more

The First Single Lady

Who is the most significant single woman mentioned in the bible.  Some may answer Mary Magdalene. Perhaps Ruth? What about the woman at the well?  My answer would be Eve…yes Eve. “So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.”   – Genesis 2:21-23 (NLT) In these two short versus, the author provides us a glimpse into Eve’s life prior to being “one” with Adam.  While we don’t know how long it took for God to carve and mold one of Adam’s rib into a woman, this scripture declares that Eve was made by God and God alone. This intimate encounter gives insight to four important things that can provide hope to all single women.   1. God put Adam to sleep in order to make Eve. Ladies, many of you believe that there aren’t good men around. Perhaps you feel like all the good men are taken. Or maybe it seems like the good men around you are “sleeping” on you; that they can’t see your value.  Have you ever considered that what you are experiencing is an act of God — that He has caused brothers to sleep on your talents, beauty and character because He is in the process of molding you just as He was molding Eve? Maybe right now is not the time for you to be distracted by the challenges relationships present.  In singleness, God wants to heal, help, and... read more

Wait Actively

Since A Space Called Chastity was published three years ago, I’ve been fortunate to speak with women all across the country and most of them have the same complaint about chastity: Do I really have to wait on God for sex and marriage? This complaint informs me that many women don’t understand what waiting on God really means.  While I touch on “waiting” in Part III of A Space Called Chastity, God has revealed more to me on this issue.  WAIT ACTIVELY ON GOD Too many people believe waiting on God means: Only praying and fasting Not taking on any new life projects Putting a halt on all plans and activities I have to disagree. Isaiah 40:31 states: “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” HOLD UP!…mounting, running, walking…what? All three of these actions are what the Words says we are capable of doing while waiting on God. As we wait on God to deliver our blessings, He gives us permission not only to pray and fast, but to also exercise the gifts he has bestowed upon us. Oftentimes people read Isaiah 40:31 and think “they shall mount…they shall run…and they shall walk” AFTER they have waited on the Lord and have received their blessing. As a single woman who get’s lonely sometimes, its easy to believe I will have the best life after I walk down the aisle. There are some single women who are holding off on purchasing a home or... read more

Communication in Chastity

Sex is a powerful tool for communicating. When used properly, sexual acts can express passion, love, care and commitment. When misused they can often communicate feelings of selfishness, self-worthlessness and even hate. But what happens when you take sexual acts out of a romantic relationship? You’re forced to use words to express yourself. In a chaste relationship, verbal communication is 95% of what you spend your time doing. I can admit, I have not mastered the art of only verbally communicating. In fact, when it comes to relationships, I find myself getting frustrated when I can’t express myself with a tender touch that says I love and need you. Sometimes when I want my gentleman to be quiet, I wish I could kiss him on the lips instead of saying “Can you stop talking, please.” Instead, when I’m in deep conversation with my partner, I have to sift through my mental lexicon to find the right words, properly pair them with my emotions and speak them in a manner that conveys what I am feeling…all in the proper tone. Sounds like a mental workout, right? Well it is. And I’ll admit, I’m not good at it, [here comes my excuse] because there aren’t ever enough words to express my emotions and feelings. Communication in chastity requires more than having enough right words to express your emotions and feelings. Communication in chastity requires self-control, and more of it than it takes to not have sex.  Today I prayed to God for more self-control when I communicate with my gentleman, and here is the answer God gave me on how to... read more

Purpose over People

This week has been a very trying time for me. After visiting my boyfriend’s beautiful homeland of Brazil, I learned that he has to stay in Brazil on assignment for an unknown amount of time.  Everyone knows that long-distance dating results in one or two ways: 1) the hearts grow fonder or 2) hearts breaks. The range of emotions that I went through this week was from one end of the spectrum to the other.  Should we break up? Should I move to Brazil?  Is this a sign from God telling me that this is not the man I should be with?  So why am I airing out my laundry online? Its only to share with you some revelation and good news from God. GOD DOES NOT CONNECT PEOPLE. GOD CONNECTS PURPOSES. “You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail” – Proverbs 19:21 (NLT)  When God sends a man into your life, there are some essential questions that you must have answers to before you commit to a relationship.  Let’s explore the truth in this statement with five key questions. Question 1: Has God given you your purpose for living? Now, this seems like an easy question. Most Christian women would say, “Yes. My purpose is to serve God”.  Unfortunately, this answer is too vague.  You really ought to take time to understand the kind of service that God requires of you, based on the skills, knowledge and passion He has blessed you with. I encourage you to enter into chastity to discover this.  If God has revealed the purpose for your life, move on to the... read more